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Preface:
It was either Mark Twain or Will
Rogers who once said "Everybody talks about the
weather but no one does anything about it." Well there
is something else that fills many of
the conversations all over the world. That something
is called, the "Children of the World".
In small meetings, in the chambers of World
Organizations, on the stages of political debates, in the
streets, or in our homes; we talk about the children, who
are going to bed each night hungry. Or those who have been
traumatized because of senseless Wars. Others, because of
the loss of their parents, due to aids. Or the many
Children and Families who take refuge in Refugee centers,
where the conditions are sub-human. We talk about the
eradication of illiteracy and raising the Standards of
Education. About making sure that all children have an
equal chance to Education. We talk about the insanity of
the "child soldiers". And those who are exploited in
"child labor", or sold into slavery and prostitution. And
then of course we have all the abused children that are
suffering daily.
We give many speeches in glowing terms about the
"Children of the World" and how they are the future of
World. But like the weather, we talk about the children,
and we talk, and talk, as a World Community. Question; are
we really concerned, in doing what needs to be done with
the problems that children have to face on a day-to-day, a
second by second agenda?
Before the answering of the three
questions. It needs to be said, that all is not lost;
for there are those who are aware and
concerned for the welfare of the Worlds'
Children. Both in the Educational Disciplines
and those among the Non-Governmental Organizations.
Although this is encouraging, this is not enough "hue and
cry". The Peoples of the World need to take to the
streets, the dirt roads, the pathways and shout it from
the roof tops, throughout all the land; "We are weary of
the words, the platitudes' the incessant meetings,
the bickering and power struggles and the promises that
are never kept".
For those who are sincerely trying to make a
difference against the many inequalities. The level
of difficulty is daily increasing for the
interested, to deal directly with the Educational
deficiencies. Partially because running parallel, we
must deal and solve the many unprecedented conditions
of poverty,
food insecurity, inadequate health and sanitation
safeguards, and political indifference. Not to mention the
unparalleled havoc and problems created by those who are
responsible for the suffering of children, in every corner
of the planet.
Then we have a boiling cauldron of religious and racial
bigotry, power struggles and the rampart greed and
corruption, all fueled by ignorance, the blight of all
Civilizations. This and other factors are laying waste to
one of the Worlds' most precious resources, the "Children
of the World." Who are being denied their worth, their
potential and their possibilities!
No peoples, no government, or nation can claim any degree
of civility, or that of being a "just society. Unless, the
POWERS TO BE admits to their lethargy.
And their insipid talking about the appalling
problems concerning " the Child" which has existed far to
long. AND GET OFF of THE DIME and do something
constructive. The" Child's" plight has been on the
Table to long and is increasing as we race, where?
Into an avalanche of words, that falls on deaf ears. The
rhetoric must be replaced with rapid action. Unless we
want the pages of history to read; "The people of the time
lacked the courage of conviction and failed to act in the
best interests to protect and promote the health and
welfare of the "Worlds " children, which they were
entrusted with.
It is not enough to wring our hands and repeat
"Ad infinitum." We have to do something".
The following answers to the three previously
stated questions are treated separately but they are not
to be understood as being separate. For they are part of
the whole, for within the three answers, there is an
inherent unity. This Unity is true about "all and
everything". And this thought should caution us, in our
tendency to categorize, classify and catalogue
everything as though they were separate.
The last answer pertaining to the family is a personal
aside with a few observations. I would point the reader to
several other articles on the web site, i.e. {the "Macro
Bio" and the other is called "The Question". Both are
related to the last question asked.
Elsewhere in my writings I have said that my regrets and
misgivings are few but in those few times I would have
preferred that things would have been different. But as we
know, life is not always in accord with our wishes,
desires or wants. And in many cases these are not always
in our best interests. Or, they do not coincide with
the path one needs to walk.
In this self-examining exercise, I am aware that the
mitigating circumstances of my childhood and adolescence
had there effect on my thinking and life decisions of
later years. Particularly true, as to my inter-personal
relationships in marriage. And this effect became even
stronger, when faced with an adversarial environment. This
"living on the fringes of hell" that I saw, felt and
heard in my formative years. Being a witness, as my mother
buried herself in a dehumanizing situation. The fights and
abusiveness that destroyed any semblance of a "home". All
this took its' toll and created within me a resolve and a
determination to never allow this scenario to be repeated
in my life, nor in a child's' life, if I were to marry and
have children.
A marriage where two people are like trains passing in
the night. And holding very little in common, while living
in a pretense of love and fidelity, could hardly be
called, or resemble a communion of unity.
Out of thirty-five years of marriage to four different
women, I am convinced that a good marriage; a right
marriage is one of balance, harmony and peace. To many
believe, this is not possible, but it is possible! If the
two people involved in the relationship affirm that this
is an individual possibility and attainable. The key to
this becoming and being a reality, lies within the growth
and evolution of each individual as they come to the
self-realization of "who" and "what" they were created,
intended to become and be.
Out of this comes; "balance, harmony and peace". Two
people living in a relationship cannot begin to understand
each other, until they first learn to know and understand
themselves. Out of this knowledge and understanding, one
moves into becoming and being, all they were meant to Be.
And should they be fortunate enough to be given the "gift"
of a child or children in the above context. Their "Cup"
will surely overflow, as will their child's', or
children's' "Cup".
The answer to the
question: as to the important essentials for
parenting and the education of the child?
The raising and the teaching of a child. Where does one
begin? What can be said that has not been said before? How
do we nurture and best equip "our children" for the known
challenges and the unknown, yet to come. There are many
voices out there; factions, theories, power struggles with
their "hidden agenda", experts and consultants. And yet;
parents and educators still lack the needed wisdom to
devise and implement, so all children of the world can
reach their own highest potential and be that which they
were created to be.
From a pragmatic perspective, what might we say? Well,
there is a lot one could say. For there are many theories
and methodologies; battle lines are drawn. But as the
waves are not the ocean, neither are; the ways, means or
instruments the essence of parenting and teaching.
Are the theories important? Are there certain basic
skills and techniques to help in the learning process? Is
there a need to understand the developmental stages of a
child? Do we need to learn "how,"to learn and pass this
on.
A big "yes", to all the above.. How much knowledge does a
parent or an educator need to bring out the best, the more
excellent? Should excellence be the goal of parenting and
teaching? Who is the final Elevator, on how well a parent,
or parents and a teacher; teaches? And who sets the
standards? Will we every come to a consensus as to "the
way" a child should go? I hope not! But this does not mean
that certain structural methodologies and basics should
not be put in place, while at the same time, we must
not become inflexible. "The cure must fit the disease."
In our search, to do right by the child and his/her
education. We must always keep in mind, there are
exceptions, as we structure for the majority. We have the
"gifted child", the less gifted, the impaired, those who
have been traumatized and abused,; physically and
mentally. What do we do for them?
How can parenting and teaching nurture and guide a child,
to that point where they want to learn to learn, making it
a lifetime acquisition and quest?.
Let us start with a simple affirmation that needs to be
fully understood and remembered by both parent and
teacher. But it should not stop here, everyone needs
to search out its meaning and relevance.
It is not what is taught.
But rather what is caught.
It is not so much what we say, as much, as how we say it.
Somewhere along the way in our growth process, there needs
to be an emphasis shift from speaking the "word" to
putting those words we have gleaned as important into
doing. Which reminds me of a quote;
"Actions speak so loud, that it is difficult
To hear what is being said"
Right action is preceded by self-knowledge, becoming and
being the "word". That word or words which we have decided
to be necessary in reaching a posture of balance, harmony
and peace. A "Oneness" with "all and everything".
A definition becomes a definition, when "we" become the
definitive definition of those words that we hold to be
Self-evident and true. In these days of "hype", there is a
need for a personal moratorium to be given; a due
consideration, on the economy and clarification of
the incessant babble of words that fills the
air.
A daily process of selection, of discrimination as to
what words, thoughts or impressions, we will ingest, to
become our own "flesh and blood". which is integral
not only to the health of our own body, mind and spirit.
But for the greater communities in which we move and share
in. We should not allow anyone or anything externally to
choose the words we wish to "incarnate. We are responsible
to investigate, inquire, question, to seek and search out
those "words" and "impressions." that will lead us out of
the far country, back to our rightful heritage of "unity
consciousness".
It is not accidental that history has recorded the many
diverse searchings of the human species, as to our origins
and the meaning of the "gift of life". For within all the
known religions, {primitive or the sophisticated}, myths,
creeds, rituals and ecclesiastical murmurings, there has
been three questions waiting in the wings to be addressed;
"Who am I"? Why am I here "? And "Where am I going"?
It is in the answering of these three quintessential
questions, along with the process of selection and the
infusion of those words that enhance and energize the
search for completion, a"wholeness". I hold these things
to be the beginning and the means to "becoming and being",
all we were intended to be.
This selection and "infusion" leads to a posturing, a
subtle change in the materiality of the "mind, body and
spirit". Some call it a "charisma", others an "aura", a
presence or a "transfiguration". Here again, it is not the
descriptive word that is important. It is that "something"
one senses, feels or intuits. That "something" that
emanates, fills the air, the space and the recipient. In
that brief moment of "en-light-en-ment"; what was dark
becomes light, what was false becomes truth, what was
unreal becomes real. For lack of a better word, we sense a
"presence", it fills the "Now". In that moment, to use a
metaphor: truth becomes written on the heart".
When the speaker of the "word" or "words, whether a
parent, an educator, friend,, an associate, lover or
spouse, becomes that which they speak. Then the fusion
just "is". In that moment the "spirit is caught". In this
"happening, we know, we know. We know because the speaker
has become the "definitive definition" of the "word" which
was spoken. He or she not only "walks the talk". But
stands in the Light.
How does this happen, this en-light-enment? Little is
known or rather the words we have to explain this
phenomenon are inadequate but many are the witnesses" to
the fact". In most cases this event is a fleeting,
momentary occurrence while at other times, for some, it is
more frequent.. This en-light-enment or as some refer to
as an "awakening" comes in the "blink of an eye" while for
others the journey is arduous. It is suspected that the
acquisition of "being in the light" is quickened if one is
in earnest, wholly committed in "mind, body and spirit".
Once the task is taken, there is no looking back. A
passion and a resolve is needed if one is to stand "in the
light". Or to express it differently, one needs to
ceaselessly "knock, ask and seek". And en-light-enment
will be given. The "way back" must be a conscious personal
choice and a conscious effort. In this; no one can
choose for another.
Back to this "catching of the spirit". A good part of
what we learn is "caught"; the habits and behavior, we
have acquired. Our personalities; how we think, speak,
move and approach life. Also our likes and dislikes, our
wants and desires, along with our anxieties, doubts and
fears. Whether we will admit it or not, we have been
influenced consciously and unconsciously by others;
parents, teachers, mentors, peers, friends, associates and
"the rich and famous". Plus the fact, that we as
individuals are great imitators, we copy and emulate
manners, traits, habits and many other nuances. We do what
is fashionable or the "norm" or in "keeping up with the
Jones's". This mirroring begins in the cradle and follows
us all through life. The young observe the old. The child
watches the adult as to "how" they think, act and react.
How "word" and "action" compliment or oppose each other.
Once a child learns that an adult speaks with "forked
tongue". The adults' words lose their import and vitality.
Here there is a much deeper nuance involved. A parent, a
teacher or a mentor without "soul" to borrow from the
music industry, should not be surprised that, their words
lack the power to inspire and enhance. The adage; "that
one cannot give, what one does not have". Or if the well
is dry one cannot give to the thirsty, is applicable here.
The developing child is bombarded day in and day out, all
the way into adulthood with a multiplicity of external
images, words and impressions. Then there are those
pressures from the parents, peers, teachers and other
adult authorities that seem never ending. Within this
context, an immature "human nature" seeks an easy way out.
And asks; "who can I copy? Who can I emulate? I hope this
does not appear to be to simplistic, because the nurturing
and the education of a young mind is serious business. And
must not be taken lightly. Adults who have children, have
no greater or nobler task than the nourishing of the
young. For the World and all future generations will be
for the better or the worse. In the light, of how well we
perform as "guiding lights" in the sacred tasks of
parenting and the teaching of the young.
Let me end with a personal note about the parenting I
received. I will try not to repeat what I have written in
the "Macro Bio" Except to mention that interspersed in the
"nightmarish" events of my childhood there were certain
values and lessons, which were given by my mother. That
made a lasting impression; "I caught the spirit". I do not
know where or how she received her wisdom, although she
was an avid reader. Nor, do I fully understand after all
these years. How the wisdom she possessed did not
alleviate her many sufferings? But what I have learned in
80 plus years is that appearances cannot always be
construed as Reality. And that, which happens here in time
and space is temporary, it is not forever. "We are
in the world but not of it ". We are of "That" which "just
is". "That" which has no beginning or end, for it is both.
There is no duality.
Discipline and consistency comprised the foundation of my
mothers' parenting. I always knew where I stood. "No" was
always "No", it wasn't "yes" the next second. If she
promised something, she never broke her promise. If she
said a certain time, it was that time. If she said she
would, she did. You could count on it. Out of this
approach I felt "secure" even in the midst of turmoil. She
also taught levels of limit, I knew what was acceptable in
her eyes. As I grew, she adjusted the limits. And I can
still remember the words, when I would say: "but Billy's
mother said "yes". Her reply; "I am not Billy's mother, I
am your mother; who loves you. My responsibility is to
teach you to be responsible in thought, word and deed. To
choose the best, among the many alternatives". And, until
I know or feel that you are responsible. My decisions are
to be obeyed". "When you leave and go out on your own. You
will have to decide, what is the best, the better and the
more excellent for you, as each situation arises".
Her belief in consistency overflowed into other areas of
her life. She understood that personal habits were
important. They could benefit or harm not only the person
themselves but have a lasting effect on others. This
became evident to me later on in life, as I remembered how
she kept house and scheduled her day. She was not a
perfectionist, but she was orderly. Meal times and bedtime
were not haphazard. Breakfast was at seven, lunch at noon
and dinner 6:30 in the evening, she never wavered. As I
grew older and observed other children and their parents,
as to how they lived and were taught or not taught. I
understood my mother's discipline for me was out of love
and concern. She was not doing it for herself; she was
doing it for my benefit. It was also obvious that the
habits and the affirmations, she had instilled were
working proofs, as my confidence and small successes
increased throughout my formative years.
My interests were many and my mother encouraged all of
them. It was her belief that a child should experience as
many things as possible. And out of this process, learn to
discriminate as to what is important and that which is not
so important. Her methods were really very simple. She
nourished the curiosity which I seemed to have had in an
over-abundance. By encouraging me to always ask questions
about anything and everything. I cannot remember her ever
saying; "I am to busy ". She was interested in my learning
the "connectiveness" of all things. Early on, I was taught
to observe and ask "why"? And it felt "right" for me.
I mentioned in the beginning, that my mother instilled
certain affirmations within me. To be more precise, the
substantive "essence" was within, as it had always been.
She only seconded the motion. The affirmations and the
power "awakened" the known and set the direction to start
my journey back.
Here are but a few of the injunctions, they were usually
served up with my breakfast or sometimes in the evening.
+ Do not start something, unless you are going
to finish it.
+ If you think something is impossible for you
to do. You will never know if it is impossible
unless you try it.
+ Anything worth doing is worth doing well. But
do not stop doing.
+ When you decide to learn something, learn to
do it well. Do it till you are better at it. When you
become better. Try to be the best you can be. And when
you are the best you can be. Remember you are just
beginning. Excellence is your goal.
+ Do not despair in failure. Greet it as a
friend, a guide. For within failure are the seeds to
success?
+ There are times when the "good" is "bad" and
the "bad" is "good". The challenge is to know when
these times arrive. And what we will do with this
paradox.
+ Early to bed and early to rise, makes one
healthy, wealthy and wise.
+ Always remember; whatever it is: a crisis, a
circumstance or a difficult situation. "This too shall
pass".
The power of the word, never sell
it short. As important as the selection of the word
or words are. It is how one says the word, is
the word. Herein lies the POWER. It is the person
behind, in front and around the word or words. It is
in the way one looks, stands, sits, walks and
exemplifies a presence, a power. Or we could say, it
is ones' state of being. That can engender, energize
and give impact to the spoken word.
(Wuzhou, China 10/2001)
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